Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called “the love of your fate.” Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, “This is what I need.” It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment—not discouragement—you will find the strength is there. Any disaster that you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
I’ve referenced Harrison Owen’s 4 Laws of Detachment on this blog before. Owen’s advice to facilitators is a good blueprint for just about any undertaking:
1. Whoever shows up is exactly the right group.
2. When it is time to start, you better begin.
3. What you talk about is exactly the right thing.
4. When it’s over, it’s over.
Friend and facilitator Duane Smotherman once described the concept (or frequent misconception) of control in visceral terms. If you are sitting with the reins to a team of horses in your hand, you can try clenching down, holding tight, fighting with their superior strength. You will quickly discover that this doesn’t really work. The better approach is to let the reins rest in your open hand and then pull gently to the left or the right. Using the powers of nudging and suggestion with those forces larger than life have more success than blatant attempts at total control.
As Duane used to say, letting go is not weakness and surrender is not defeat. If anything it is a powerful decision to opt for flow.